Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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