I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
