I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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