Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
