Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Bring me that man meat
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize