Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
