I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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