Buhtt sex?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
