They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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