How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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