A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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