There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
