I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
