HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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