So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
