as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
