Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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