I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
