So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
