why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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