I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
bring money and cleavage
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
