Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
