I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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