I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
