My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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