just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
