He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
