I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
