Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize