i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
