you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
