ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
