Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
