Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The best revenge is premature balding
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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