:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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