why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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