im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
did i just pee glitter
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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