I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
