apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
