You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
