I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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