How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
