I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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