she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
