I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
