you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
