so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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