Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
