my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
