I swear she didn't look like that last week.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
