i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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