Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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