I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
