I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize