jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
