dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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