The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
