If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
