we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
