Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
