i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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