Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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