best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
