I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
