Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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