Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
