Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
