i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
