Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
