I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wear drunk well.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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